Confession of women

If you ask me who am I ? I may answer. .  I’m a subject of research, a metaphor of weakness and sometime I’m a day of celebration. Have you guys ever known, how it feels like celebrating yourself? Have you guys ever searched your actual identity in finding of research paper ? Don’t you feel jealous, when there exist  separate privilege for us in every constitution(women right)? 

 Look at me with wide open eyes , I’m just that, a five letter being - A “Woman” .  A cute little child who loves red, that naive adult who secretly tries  her mother’s cosmetics , that young beauty  who is worried about her dress-up , that shy little bride who abandon her parent’s home ,  that responsible parent who wipe her child’s faces  and that old hag who die leaving no property to her offspring .  Did you see me now, that’s what I am- A woman.

Today I will tell you how it’s feel to be a woman. It’s not something we talk around with everybody. We don’t express this feeling with our brothers and husbands or  parents every time it happens. Because it’s so usual, almost omnipresent, that it has become a part of our daily life.

Maybe you  don’t know , when a white clothed nurse gives good news about my birth  a part of my parents had silently uttered “oh shit ! it’s a girl ”. I was a gift of lifetime  depression to my parents . May be you don’t know , at the naive age of 12 I had to escape hundreds of adult eyes  staring at my budding breast . May be you don’t know couple of year ago a guy throws acid in my face because  I was unaware of his secret love towards me and I rejected his proposal at last hour. May be you don’t know I never share feelings with my best friend  because it makes him possessive  towards me, I unwillingly reply insensible message of male friends in Facebook  or take calls of my classmates for fear of being called ‘over-priced’ girl.  And you surely aren’t aware that my husband loves me so much that most of the time I get laid without my consent. 

It cross my mind  recently that a lot of guys may be unaware of these tolerance . They may have heard of things through media but have no idea how often it happens. That it shape  much of our action and the way we respond. I constantly go through swift  mental checklist. Does he seem really nice  or  it’s  one-time showoff ? Are there other people around? Will saying something hamper  my reputation? In a blink of instance  I would decide  whether to  smile politely or pretend that I didn’t see.

And do you know my address? Social hell is where I live in. But I have successfully adapt myself to thrive in this inferno. I’ve gained that skill, either by instinct or by experience, how to avoid any situation that puts me in danger. How to avoid angering my husband? How to smile upon the dirty gaze of your best friend? How to take little brother domination as childish act ?  By now I have excels all, on many situation, overlooked almost every kind of social stigma.For every woman like me it doesn’t feel good. It feels disgusting. Shame. But we do it to avoid ourselves from being endangered or get us abandoned or ignore being  entitled a bitch. So we usually make safe play.