#Metoo, Are You Too ?

      No, I’m not woman. And I have never experienced any kind of sexual harassment or assault. But also #Me too because I believe, not all men are neither assaulter nor potential assaulter. As a rational being, we shouldn't leap to quick judgement. It takes just one false accusation and entire social media will follow up the character assignation process. With rise of networking sites such incidents are common; bits of tweet will swell-up to bytes overnight.  If it has happened with anyone else today, you too are no exception.

The ongoing phenomena of sharing sexual harassment stories encouraged by #Me Too campaign have made headline in national dailies of Nepal also. There are lots of female victims Metoo-ing these days. It good for them to speak up but there exist another side of gender suffering running parallel, that no one notices.  Court presumes that any person is entitled innocence until proven guilty but man cannot expect same context in social space he belongs. In present scenario, if any female accuse male for sexual harassment then he would immediately be tagged as assaulter in social domain without any proper investigation.  

During childhood I was  taught to take responsibility for my deeds.  If you do something wrong, you must accept the consequences.  But what if you are accused and believed as offender for something undone? Many times it so happen in life that, you do something out of true respect but circumstance makes it look like an offense. As usual that day also I took micro from Shahid Gate to kirtipur. Luckily, I found a half empty sit occupied by young woman.  I looked into her eyes and give gentle smile as a permission to sit. She swiftly slides towards window and vacant some more space for me. 

Suddenly the bus took short turn and my feet happen to touch her. As a member of religious Brahmin family I was cultured not-to touch any women with feet and if such happen accidentally I ought to redress it.  That’s what I did; first I gently touch her knees, then put hand in my heart and touched my forehead. We encounter similar hand-steps done by people when they pass by any holy place. That was it, a move of worship. But that girl suddenly began to murmuring something, I looked at her with surprise. Slowly her murmur grows in shouting ‘why are you touching me? Can’t you keep your hands and legs aside?’  I was about to explain the whole scenario but she keep on buzzing ‘all guys are same; they have no respect for women. Don’t you have mothers and sisters in home’? All passengers were looking at me. I noticed their looks had already changed into stare, they had already judged me as assaulter. The conductor disrespectfully orders me to get down from vehicle and I didn’t get even a second to justify myself. That moment I was forced to feel guilty for the mistake I had never done. That’s why #Me too.

Nowadays  social psychology have developed a kind of culture to think that women always remain innocent until proven guilty and man is always assumed guilty until proven innocent, specially in  harassment related cases.  Take the case of Kanchan Sharma Regmi in talk show “Suman Sanga”; owing to the witness of victim herself, one interview assassinate the character of her husband whereas only after many follow up investigative news coverage and alibies the husband's innocence was finally proven among public. It also shows how quickly public yield sympathy towards woman and hatred for men’s. That’s why #Me too.

In our society, where sexual harassment and rape has been common phenomena and amid such context men have lost credibility as a moral individual. I feel very hurt whenever a mother sitting next to me in public vehicle suddenly stops breast-feeding her crying child just because of my presence, when a front- facing sit of micro bus are removes just because some mortals like me are born with long legs. And mostly in congested bus when any father hesitates to allow his willing small daughter to sit in my lap, I feel like criminal. That’s why #Me too.

Couples of month back I used to have long French beard, colored hair and some silver ornaments on my hands and ear. I thought may be because of this assumed indecent appearance, people dithers physical nearness with me. So I changed my appearance and groom myself like very decent guy, also put on round shape glass to add authenticity in my decent look. Yet, I notice no change in public perception. Then I realized that people are not afraid by my appearances rather they scare my biological being. Me, being a male was problem for them. That’s why #Me too.

Why is it that men are always guilty until proven innocent? I accept there are some “bad boys” out there, but it is incredibly hurtful to me when my gentle smile in public space or on the street is reciprocated with suspicious stare, just because some guys like me did bad things.  I’m so tired of paying the price for what I’ve not done—for being born as male.    Men’s too have feelings, and of course it hurts.  However men’s rage shouldn’t be directed to those gullible females rather we should go against all ill-minded men who have collectively poisoned the gender identity of male. That’s why #Me too. 

Is it depressing to be viewed as sexual object just because of one’s gender? Ask around with women. The answer is obvious. Similarly, is it depressing to be gazed with suspicion simply because of one’s gender? Unfortunately, YES. That’s why #Me too. 

Now, let’s talk. I’m master’s degree student at Tribhuvan University and I’m not an assaulter. If any boys out there can identify with my experience, be sure that you’re not alone. This opinion is not a male versus female issue. It’s about human decency vs. indecency. Which side are you on? That lady at micro-bus knew me for just 30 second, but I’ve known myself since twenty four years.  So it doesn’t matter what she think about me, yet sometime such incident hurt. That’s why, #Me too. 

The point is, #Me Too movement shouldn’t be limited to female sharing or should never be regarded as campaign against men, rather it should be, a call for change. Change in gender perception and gender behavior. This call must come from both women and men and address the issue of both gender’s suffering. So boys, lets share stories with same hashtag if you have ever been falsely accused of sexual harassment.