Confession of a Beautyfool

After long discussion finally Sufi opened her heart “ Adi I want divorce”

Have you gone mad ? can’t we compromise for sake of this relation? " Adi asked in  depressed tone.

She yell in half sobbing angry voice “ Yes, I’ve gone mad. I should have gone mad earlier. If I stay in relation with you, you’ll kill my innocent spirit a bit by bit..” Tears of pain blurred her vision.

What on the earth  are you talking. What have I done to you ? I have always loved you.

No, you  never loved me. For you I’m just a servant at day an sex slave at night.

Dark diagonal of regret  sneak through his eyes and he enquired curiously, “If you leave like this, what about me?  Please tell me what force you to go this far ?

Her voice trailed off vaguely and she spoke  , “you ask me to explain ?  I will explain you . Listen to me. Listen without shame.   Put yourself in my place and feel me. Don’t speak.  Just listen. Till I end my words.

Flood of emotions wipe out all barriers and voice sagged inside her larynx burst out without any noise  , Adi, Your life is all about deception. People thinks they know you but you introduce yourself to them. You are spider at the center of social web. You precisely know how to control  people and establish yourself good  in front of them.  “Don’t bear any shame to speak lie, tell people what they want to hear, then only you can get the badge of Good person”. You live with this motto , don’t you ?

You said you loved me and I took  your word to heart. You said I was your soul mate and I accept to share my life with you. I was a’ beautiful fool’ to fall on  your sweet  lies. If people are defined by the choice they make, you’re a heartless monster. You even played with my emotions. Instead of loving me you choose  to win my heart.

 Love is not war Adi, you shouldn’t have used emotional weapon to get me. You hit on my weak point to crept inside my heart. After knowing that I have lost my mother in childhood  you frequently asked me “ Don’t you remember your mother?  Don’t you miss her?  How you feel without her ? 

 After you asked such sentimental questions I would cry with you over phone and imposing sad tone in your voice you used to say “Don’t worry Sufi, I’m always there for you”. First you burn my old wounds and again you pretend to soothe it by your refined loving words. Come on Adi ,  people even cry for their dead pet and you asked me “Do I  remember my mother ?”. Were you really curious whether I miss my mother or not ?  I was insane to give  answer of those emotional blackmailing questions  and accept you as my wound healer. Same night on phone You uttered the most  clichéd sentence in English vocabulary “I love you”. That was it, the birth of our dead relationship which never grows up  but always exist like ‘Culture’ and we both dare to break it.

“You have always stabbed my spirit from behind. Since the day I meet you in college you start stabbing me with fake compliment. When we were on relationship you always would complement me “ Sufi you are so cute, I love your sweet expressions, you are so helpful”  and I keep on blushing like ‘a beautiful fool’ who know nothing more than being beautiful and finding respect on your fake decency . This series goes ever and on. I’m sure if I had upload most ugly pic of mine in Facebook , you guys would have filled comment box with all flattered lies . And ‘beautiful fools’ like me feels special on every fake words of compliment . You always treat me like pet cat. Now I’m   feeling  my value in society is like the height of poisonous mushroom at top of hill. My body and womanly charm  is hill and I’m just a tiny  mushroom .

Adi tries to speak, “listen sufi, . . . er”

She interrupt in between “ please don’t speak, let me finish” 

And she continue pouring all memories ; 

You proved it’s very simple to be a decent person. And the most easy part in to win trust. Do you remember what you had done with Ashish? He used to like a girl and you knew all along that  he can’t get her yet, you never suggest Ashish to stop chasing her. Instead you encourage him, promised him that you will help him to get her.  You deliberately let your friend sink in one-sided love just  to  show that you are helping him.  You choose decency over humanity.

Upon hearing such blame, Adi  felt all kind of emotions;  fear, regret, silence, all in one place, was confusing. Very unique expression crowned in face. 

Ignoring his expression Sufi keep on talking, I remember those days in college when you used to harass every girls around you but we beautiful fool’s never identify your systematic sexual harassment.  If a guy go near to a girl and say “you are so hot, I want to  caress your chick bones”  they will probably  print slap on your face but if someone  go near to them and say “ you are so cute, just like my sister” You get permission to caress her every day and even she will feel loved by your lustful touch . You did same to many girls in class, even to me also. 

And, of course, you were  Master in art of showing off manners — by doing some valueless stuffs like, walking girls to college gate, offering them your chair in class,  pretending to block sun with your palms and you barely miss any chance to show that you take care of all . Adi, No-one wants to give up their chair and stand whole period tolerating those cramp lectures, you did it to have that “good person” badge, so you can hide your jokerness behind the badge of well-mannered boy. 

You know, what we “beautiful fools ” used to gossip about you  “Adi is so cute,  today also Adi proposed  his chair to me, he always offer girls first, he give so much respect to us hai ?”. Mind blowing Adi !  you totally had your spell on us. You make everybody fall in your diplomatic friendship .  Back in college you had asked me “ sufi why do I  always feel alone?”   I think I have answer “ It’s because you are not living life_ you are showing circus in real stage. Nobody loves a joker, people only clap for him. To get love you ought  to be yourself”. Don’t people praise you ? It’s what the joker gets. Only clap. 

During exam when I would say “ I haven’t read anything , I’m afraid” you would show me cold love by saying “ sufi, You are very intelligent , don’t worry you will do good in all exams” and when result was out again you were there to show your so-called  love “ I’m shocked how all this happen, but don’t worry next time you will do good”.  It always repeated like Ferris wheel but I never did any good Adi. You knew all along _ Then I  was a duffer and I’m same now too . You never let me know it. You never loved me, you  always tried to  establish yourself good in front of me. I had wished my husband to encourage me like brothers and scold me like father if I did any wrong. Adi it demands lot of courage to love someone, if your loved ones are on wrong path you ought to suggest them right way. You never had courage to love anyone.  Now also you will say “ Sufi don’t think like this, you are very smart” . I’m fed up with your act of decency, for a day show me your real self. I want to see that person in real with whom I had share my life.

As a girl I always  wished to  spend life with that person who can  understand my feelings , who would hold my hand in journey of life and give me parental love. After marriage I felt you were wrong choice. Sorry, I’m not a kind to enjoy  your diplomatic love.  Don’t know why I can’t open my heart in front of you Adi, It doesn’t feel easy like opening clothes.  Since I get married with you I have enjoyed your company during physical intercourse only. Adi you think you get me  ? No, you capture my innocent spirit with your nice look and boy charm. 

I was happy with you in relation because you were occasional like chocolates .  We used to go for movie, fun parks and hardly spend  ten hours with each other in a week. Chocolates are delicious than rice if we have it occasionally  but  it cannot fulfill every day hunger.  And now  I feel hard to spend entire life with you, I’m hungry for parental love..

You just asked “If you leave like this, what about me? “ My answer is “ Nothing will happen to you without me, for some days you will cry for your loss like people cry in death of their pet puppy. You can bring another girl to serve you food during day and sex at night. That’s what I’m for you , any female flesh can replace me. Right ? Then and now I regard myself a Beauty-Fool  and Adi, it’s up to you what title you choose for yourself

Now Speak something Adi, why are you silent ? come on, Mr. joker  show me some tricks. 

Adi was staring her like frozen corpse . His trembling lips were murmuring something but Sufi didn’t understand his indistinct voice.