Friends forever

We knew each other only as classmate, our relation was limited enough to exchange smiles and wave ‘hello’ in the passageway. There was nothing between us until one day after college I coincidently met her waiting for Nepal yatayat at Putalisadak.

“Where are you going?” I asked very stupid question before I could hold my slippery tongue. Her face cocked to the side, her eyes slides from the mobile screen to me. My breath chocked inside and I could barely withstand her strange gaze. A smirk played hide-and-seek on her lips; her words were like grandma’s strawberry, sweet in their unique way, warmly-spoken and smooth, sending soothing vibes to my ears.

“I’m expecting Nepal yatayat in five minute, it’s always late you know! I’m heading to New Baneswor

”And your name? I asked ‘Koena ’, she replied in same manner

“Nice name.” I smiled shyly.

Even then I was unaware that this short acquaintance at bus-stand would lead to a life time of friendship. After that day, we began to hang around quite lot in college and got to know each other more closely. I’m not certain if that was the moment when it happened, but by the next morning we met, I knew I could call her, my best friend. Our friendship began to wing higher in every possible ways; chatting, texting, sharing and mostly supporting each other.

Koena wasn’t beautiful in the modern ways, no colorful straight hair or ivory skin; no cosmetic surprises. She was not taller than average and of course, nearer to a slim figure. Yet, with her classical Aryan face and chubby cheekbones she looked amazing. My god! The way she blinks, time and again fluttering her eyelashes like the wings of butterfly.

Luckily, her imperfections make her look more uniquely prefect. At young age also some people split between childhoods and maturity, as a result their mind wouldn’t synchronize well with age. Koena was perfect example of it, always in clothes that never showed her figure and cartoon printed T-shirt that would be more suited to a younger girl. A part of her spitted self still feels insecure to adapt with her grown body. As said by John Keats “Beauty is truth, truth beauty” Koena always accepted to be what she truly was and that made her real beauty.

She had a kind of expressive heart that sometime forced me to doubt over our friendship. Really, just a friend? But I’d no problem with it. I always knew where I stood in relationship. Slowly I began to sense that she had very few friends and her friendship to those who remain by her side goes beyond platonic level. While interacting with others, her facials were one of those antique kinds that you may hardly find in anyone else. She could change her expressions accordingly with context, it seems like she is feeling your words and understanding you the way you want to be understood.

I don’t know if some kind of aura emits from within her that attract both genders. Boys were always lured to her and most girls too adore her company. I never noticed her going out to make friends, they just came to her. Like me.

Before meeting her I was whole within myself, and now I feel like splited in many parts. My feelings obviously are a part of me, however in this friendship they tend to mingle with hers in delicious ways. Her dreams became mine, her interest turned out to be my new hobbies, before I never loved ‘panipuri’, neither watch ‘Korean series’. Day by day she silently colonized my life or maybe I willingly surrendered myself to her.

We never called each other verbally in public, our eyes used to bridge the message and heart decoded it. From a distance corridor I tried to steal her glance. She was so busy chatting with other girls that she ignored my call gesture.

After she came to me, I spoke with my head down, “nowadays you have no time for me hai?”

Her face rives into wide grin flashing almost all teeth’s and she uttered the words I always loved to hear, “No, dear, why are you talking like this? You are my best buddy, you know that.

’Really?” I just nodded, trying to save every possible residue of that moment in memory.

Now I knew she was concerned, usually she shared more about her life non-stop and I never disclosed anything much about mine. Her life was wonderful, amazing at times. Mine? Pretty unexciting. Everyone is unique in themselves, right? I was boring computer geek whereas she needed spark, surprises, something she could call ‘woo that’s life’. But when it comes to our heart we’re mingled in ways either of us ever understood.

During our sophomore farewell I got this feeling, so strange- even frightening, full of guilty pleasure. I was slipping out of friendship. I didn’t want to be part of that gathering, yet I truly went to be with her. Sometimes the very medicine we always pursuit to heal all pain of life seems far from us, as she was. I wish she had been my sister, and then who would have questioned our relationship? Who would gossip even if we spent days together? Why our society gives only one default choice to be with a girl? Can’t we just remain together forever as friends? Unlike words, feeling has no double meaning. It’s absolute. And I could exactly recognize that specific feeling wobbling inside me.

Every now and then she snatched a part of me and made it virtually hopeless to weave myself together. And still, I always remain beside her. Why? Perhaps, longing to get myself back. But she never stopped taking more of me. At that instant I felt like our friendship shattered into crystal shards. Nothing would ever be same again. Unwanted love existed like hollowness in heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow invades my soul.

Guilt never ebbs, rather it multiply with every passing moment. I curled down to bend both knees together up to the lower chin and enfold arms around my shins; if I could just hide within, I wouldn’t have to confront the reality. No matter what I did, there wasn’t any way I could escape from painful thoughts swirling inside my head. She became the person that changed everything, that made difference, that left me a story to tell.